just SWAG it
…but I might stay in Poughkeepsie/Hyde Park for a while.
Yes, I got accepted into culinary school, but I am unable to attain the money I need. Kt found some new roommates, and this leaves me completely wide open for the first time in my life. I have absolutely Zero prior commitments.
I should have figured it out years ago. I stuck with what I was doing because it was what I had always done, and that’s what I was supposed to do, right? Well, I was sitting in a photography critique a week before I graduated from college, and I had to get up and defend the last work I would make in my undergrad. And all of the sudden it hit me. After four and a half years of college and training and workshops and nights staying in my darkroom, I was still not confident about my work. And yet I could walk into a kitchen, with no degree, no formal training, wearing baggy chef pants and no make-up and feel in control. No one could make me doubt myself, nothing could stand in my way—the kitchen was my domain. The only question that remains is why is it that these are two completely separate women?
This is the topic that Tiffany Ludwig and Renee Piechocki confront in their book Trappings: Stories of Women, Power, and Clothing. In this text, they are looking to define what power means to women and how exactly it is they turn it on in their own lives. However, there is no blanket definition that can define power for everyone. It is important to realize that the goal here should be individual empowerment—whether that means becoming a mother and raising a family, or if it means becoming a CEO of a Fortune 500, or the plethora of options in between. Unfortunately, the word “feminism” has gotten a bad reputation over the years. Antifeminist have claimed that men and women are inherently different and rely on each other to be so. Extreme views on feminism say that women are breaking down not only familial structures, but also, on a greater scale, societal structures. People with these beliefs see women that are on the extreme end of a scale—always seeming as if they want to start a fight, outwardly expecting preferential treatment simply due to the fact that women have been oppressed. Even strong women have issues with how other women have attempted to attain power. Sociologist Sarah Spell says many women feel they attain power by deriving it through acknowledgement from their male colleagues. “Why we do that may be because we feel in terms of culturally defined power, we have to compete with as well as be accepted by men. Ideally, women would feel power from within, but I don’t think that’s realistic.” If we look at the technical definition of feminism, we see that all it states is simply that women want political, economic, and social equality. As Cecile Springer said in her Trappings interview, “I would define power as having the ability to make a decision, have it carried out, and be able to measure the outcome” (218). As women, we need to assess not only what it means to us to have power in our own lives, but also look at how we have attempted this in the past and if it is really the most effective form of communication with the opposite sex and our harshest critics. Women throughout the history of photography have proven that if you love what you do, and you work to become the best at what you do, the respect, the power in your own life, and the progress in feminism will be sure to follow.
Colleen Wyse is the publisher of Women’s Wear Daily in New York City. Obviously, women are the majority where she works, and she brings a very interesting view point to the table in her interview. “…I do find it interesting in talking with other women who are perhaps in more male-dominated industries or perhaps more a fifty-fifty split, that they still talk about what I think are old stereotypes. I don’t see them anymore…” Wyse goes on to say, “…quite frankly, you often see women in power not wanting it to be discussed that they’re women…If they are featured in an article about power or leadership, they would prefer that their gender is downplayed rather than overplayed” (17, 18). This might seem like a new development in the recent decades that women are finally attaining power and being able to be seen without the prejudices that have existed in the past. However, this is not a new idea in the world of feminism. Catherine Weed Barnes Ward lived in the mid to late 19th century, and she worked diligently to attain equal rights for women in photography and in the public darkrooms that never welcomed women. She looked for no favors, she did not want preferential treatment—she simply wanted the judgment of photography not to take gender into consideration.
I say, therefore, to all societies, to give us a fair field and no favor; let us win our
spurs side by side with our brothers, and the result thus gained will be worth all the
trouble required. The day is coming, and will soon be here, when only one question
will be asked as to any photographic work—‘Is it well done?’
It is extremely important for us to realize that if we want to be viewed as equals in photography, or in any other field, that we must not overplay the fact that we are women. If we are successful photographers, we do not want to be seen as simply “women photographers”. The same goes for publishers, accountants, chefs, doctors—any field in which we choose to be successful.
Another important aspect of feminism and power that the book addresses is that women do not have to be tough and masculine or be perceived as manly to have power. Stephanie Rivera is a patrol officer in Santa Fe, New Mexico. However, this is what she does, and does not solely define who she is. “I’m a mom. I’m a wife. I’m a woman…I have to nurture them and do all those things that a mama’s supposed to do.” She talks about how these parts of her do not have to be separate entities. “Our mamas raised us this way. Our heritage is this way. Spanish women are very strong and we’re very dominant.” In her pages in the book, she has a photo of herself at the station in her uniform as well as a photo of herself at home, with her hair down, holding her daughter. It is not necessary for a woman to fit expected feminist stereotypes in order to feel empowered. This point was heavily stressed in the introduction to the book. They were not trying to find the most well rounded Superwoman and tell her story. Each individual’s story is unique, and each woman in the book has found her own strength.
If we again look back on the history of photography, we see incredibly successful and universally respected women who photographed very feminine, and not necessarily feminist subjects. Photographers such as Imogen Cunningham and Ruth Bernhard studied the beauty of form through subjects such as flowers and nudes. These simple, organic forms started to speak from the subconscious of the photographer to create beautiful, timeless images. These images were about the aesthetics of beauty and form, and yet they are inherently powerful in the world of photography. Photographers such as Imogen and Ruth created a name and a very successful career drawing their professional power from a very feminine subject matter.
Even in contemporary photography, we can see the same trends. A recent Artist in Residence at The Center for Photography at Woodstock created work based around her 3-year struggle with infertility. Lupita Tinnen was raised to believe from a young age that if you have sex, you would get pregnant. However, once her and her husband began trying to conceive a child, it proved to be more than difficult. Her work documented the grieving process she went through. “Accepting it felt much like grieving. I felt the disbelief, the yearning, the anger, the depression, and finally acceptance.” Lupita’s work is a beautiful example of how women discover their own power by non-traditional feminist means.
One of the most resonating themes that I took from the book was spoken by Linda Durham, a gallery owner from Santa Fe, New Mexico. She states, “I traveled alone most of the time, and in traveling alone in a foreign country where the culture is not that familiar and the language is unknown, there’s a sense of learning Who am I? Who am I when my popularity as a gallery owner or the people who know me are stripped away?” This is a very universal topic that we all deal with, whether we admit it or not. Sure, it is easy to find a little niche, find your rhythm, and find the people who fit into this rhythm, but what happens if we are placed in another setting? Does this define or measure our true power? Should we feel just as powerful in a new, foreign situation? Logically, if our strength comes from internal instead of external forces, we should be strong women in any setting. Or is it okay to explore our weaknesses and by accepting our weakness, become more powerful? Historically, we have seen many successful female photographers who have worked in documentary photography throughout the world. More importantly than their power in given situations, they looked to empower others who had no voice and no power of their own. Dorothea Lange worked through the Great Depression, legendary photographers such as Mary Ellen Mark and Susan Meiselas traveled to war-torn, poverty and famine- stricken countries to open the eyes of the rest of the world to the conditions they could not see previously. Susan Meiselas, along with the help of Harry Mattison, put together a book throughout the 1980’s called El Salvador: The Work of 30 Photographers. This book aimed to raise awareness of the civil war in El Salvador. Maybe it can best be described by Gandhi—“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Maybe these photographers found their own power and strength by empowering others, even if they had to be placed outside of their comfort zones to do so.
Contemporary photographers Tarrah Krajnak and Wilka Roig showed an exhibition recently at CPW entitled Anthology of Trends. …
Conclusion…
Yesterday was a bad day for me. We all have them—those days that just don’t seem as hopeful as others, when all of life’s stresses seem to show themselves at once. Well, I have a fail-proof remedy for days like these. A good 4-mile run followed by a good, hot meal, a bottle of vino, and a movie at home, in my pajamas, by myself. I had everything in order. I went on my run, I went to the store for the wine and the movie, and I was planning on stopping by the Irish pub a block from my house on the way home to get a hot New York cheese steak. Nick is the bartender at this pub, and I do know him. He took me out one night…and never called me again. But of course I wasn’t going to let Nick keep me from getting a cheese steak! So I went in and asked Nick for a to-go menu. Keep in mind at this point, I am still in my running shorts and hoodie, with my hair tied back, wearing absolutely no make up. Nick was courteous, of course- I was a paying customer, but he never once in the 20 minutes that I sat there waiting for my order even recognized me. I talked to him the same way I had before, I joked around with him the same way, and yet nothing rang that bell that this girl sitting in sweaty running clothes in front of him could possibly be the same tall, stiletto-wearing woman he seemed so physically attracted to before.
Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture? What, did he never look me in the eye before? Could he not see my feminine curves underneath my Bradley sweatshirt? The funniest part about this story is that I felt so much more confident in my running clothes than I did that Saturday night. And apparently this radiated while I was waiting for my cheese steak because more than one guy at the bar tried to come up to talk to me. Heads turned as I walked out. Yet what defines strength or power? The girl in stilettos that never got a callback? Or the girl in sweaty running clothes that had the attention of the entire restaurant? And why are these two separate women?
This is so messed up. And I don’t know how to fix it. Apparently my parents did not electronically sign their cosigner application for my student loan for culinary school. And the financial aid stuff has to be done by the 18th. Which is tomorrow. And of course the Sallie Mae offices are closed on Sundays. And I’m sitting in the gallery trying to figure this all out. And obviously I can’t. I can’t move to Chicago without this money. I don’t have moving money, I don’t have a security deposit. I have no job in Chicago yet. I don’t have the $600 to get my chef whites. I don’t have the money to get my knives.
I’m supposed to be leaving in 2 weeks. But then I’ll be jobless for 2 weeks before BOA. Maybe I shouldn’t do BOA this year. Maybe I should find a place to stay in NY for an extra month. I have a job here. And then I could hang out with Scott for another month.
Scott is super amazing. And I am super bummed to leave him.
What if this loan complication is telling me to stay in New York for a while? I could go to CIA. Or not. I could work at a good restaurant in NY. Maybe my parents are right. I shouldn’t be borrowing more money right now.
Frick I don’t know. So stressed out. And I have to make a decision like…Now.
I just set my official travel dates. Which kinda makes me sad. I may or may not have cursed this state for the past 4ish months, but I’m starting to settle in and find some kind of rhythm here. And now I’m just going to uproot and start all over again.
I got accepted to culinary at Kendall in Chicago. And that is very, very exciting!
So this Nick guy I spoke of is out. I was excited about him, but he never called. No time to waste sanity on him. I did, however, go out for a drink with a coworker last night. And while nothing is going to happen technically, seeing as he’s at CIA for another year, and I’m moving back to IL in a month, we had a genuinely amazing time just chatting about both being drummers, both doing the culinary thing, etc etc. I have a feeling he’s a good guy to have in my life, technicalities or no technicalities. He’s cute too:)
Um, Lindsay and Bryan’s wedding is next weekend!!!! YAY for them!!! and I’ll be in Illinois for it!!!! So I must go visit Anastasia and Bradley people, OC people, Sammy Sam Sam of course, etc etc. Get to see the high school friends, get to visit my gram gram. It will be a much needed and earned break. Roy’s Taco House, here I come.
out of some miracle, or maybe the fact that griffin is taking this weekend off, I did not have to work this morning. On top of this, my roommate is gone. (sorry Britt, it’s not you…I just have been around you for 4 months straight now:) I cleaned the apartment yesterday, I cooked an AMAZING meal last night. Jerk chicken and andoullie stew over long grain rice with cornbread, corn on the cob, and a salad of baby arugala with a mandarain ginger dressing and fresh pineapple. H-e-avenly. It’s warm, I have clean sheets. Life is good.
I took today to go to Saugerties. The original intent was to find a small mirror for my gram gram for mother’s day, and even though I went in 5 or 6 little shops in Saugerties (and Rhinebeck), no one seems to like mirrors. Accepting defeat, I decided to spend some time in the sun and check out the Saugerties Lighthouse…
this is the north facing view of the hudson..well north east maybe
this would be north west
aaaah the water..
just to prove i was there. well kinda. i guess i technically could have photoshopped this.
Hum, as of late, not a lot is new at the gallery. Goes without saying for Applebees. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’m Senior SWAG this summer. SWAG leadership is allegedly calling me soon with important issues to discuss:)
I also met a guy. My friend introduced us, and we hit it off immediately. I have no idea where it’s going, but I find that planning stuff usually ruins things. So I will just tell you that his name is Nick, we had a good time, and I would like to see him again. And I’ll keep you posted. Well maybe…I’m really bad at updating this.
Ok time for leftovers and potentially nap time.
Later,
Kira
“New York is lovely in the winter time
All the sidewalks are white as snow
The buildings, all the people that pass me by
How the smile on his face says he’s in love
I took the train all the way to Brooklyn Heights
I remember when you took it there with me
We sat side by side and held hands for some time
We saluted the Statue of Liberty
I have much farther to go
Everything is new and so unpredictable
I should just kick my heels together and go home
But I’m not sure where that is anymore
Oh how I wish I could go back in time
To the night when I heard my mother cry
She held me in her arms and we talked for some time
And I sang a song her mother sang to her
And it goes something about paper dolls and what men prefer
Something about the cross and how her Jesus died for her
Something about love and how it’s worth living for
I wonder does love like that exist anymore?
I have much farther to go
I’m so confused I know
I should just kick my heels together and go home
But I lost my way when I lost you
Sometimes I cry when it’s late at night
And you’re not there to lay next to me
Morning breaks and the sun warms my face
How I wish it was you warming me”
-rosie thomas-much farther to go
Against all logic and everything I stand for, I miss you.
These flowers came from the Killian Mansfield Listening Party we had this morning at CPW. Phil Mansfield, Killian’s father, is the digital lab manager at CPW. Killian is a 15 year old musician coping with a rare form of cancer. Today, they threw a party in celebration of Killian’s new album he produced with Ralph Legnini. (“Performances by Dr. John, Levon Helm, Todd Rundgren, John Sebastian & MORE”). What an amazing kid. What an amazing family. And a beautiful event.
I gave Phil information about Music for All’s Summer Symposium. If Killian would happen to attend this year, it would be quite the treat for all of the faculty, MFA staff, and especially all of us SWAGs. Check out Killian’s facebook, all of the proceeds from the CD go to Hope and Heroes, a children’s cancer research fund.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=141301679#/pages/Killian-Mansfield-SOMEWHERE-ELSE/78217353424?ref=nf
Lately in the gallery, I’ve been working on demographics from our recent artist in residence applications. Very interesting to see who reads the application and who doesn’t and also to see how people present themselves.
I set my final day at CPW. May 28th. I might go to the lecture on the 30th though…it’s Platon. And it would rule.
Oh yah, and my final project is writing an article for the gallery’s magazine “PQ”. I’m reading “Trappings” right now. It’s a book about the new definitions of feminism and how individual women feel empowered. I am going to discuss this book along with some of CPW’s recent artist in residence’s work as well as significant work in photo history done by women. I am very excited about this.
Also, I’ve decided to go to culinary school. Yes, I love photography, but this is something I need to see through or I’ll always wonder.
That is all for now. ttfn.
kira
(i’ll post some pics from killian’s party in the near future)
for more information visit http://cpw.org/exhibitions/exhibitions.html
That’s right. I’m famous. Just look. My photo is published twice in a photography workshop catalog:) I’d like to thank my photographer, Phil Mansfield. Haha. Anyhoo. Not a lot is new. Oooh. I picked up some beer today on recommendation from Dan Menold and Sarah Spell. Dan told me about the Middle Ages Brewing Company from Syracuse. I got a pint of their “Wailing Wench- Full Bodied Ale Screaming with Hops”. I also picked up a pint of “He-Brew (The Chosen Beer) Jew-belation Twelve (12th Anniversary Ale)” because Sarah said it was tasty. The Wailing Wench is 8%ABV and the He-Brew is 12% and brewed with 12 malts and 12 hops. Hey-o, they both sound delicious. I’ll keep you posted.
